Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Moving Makes Me Sneeze

It really is unbelievable how much dust can accumulate in places that you wouldn't expect to see dust at all. For instance - how exactly does dust get underneath a stack of books laying flat on a bookshelf? Amazing. And every time I pack a box, I start sneezing. I'm actually considering digging out my N95 respirator mask (from nursing school) to keep the dust out of my nose and mouth. Lemme tell ya - that is a mark of desperation on my part!

So much to do, so little time. It's strange, though - I don't really dislike packing. There's a certain element of organization in the process that I find to be cathartic. Yeah, I know. I'm weird. In a month from now, we should be somewhat settled in our new place (Can't say "home" because we're just renting. Someday, though, we really will have a home we can call our own.) Then I'll have one more month and it will be time to start my last semester of school. It's so cliche, but my, how time flies!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Need to Feel Wanted

Have you ever just felt unnecessary? That your presence in a situation was no more than a waste of good air? Or worse - that you wanted to be necessary and relevant and wanted - but you were decidedly unwanted?

I'm struggling with that right now. I have a helping spirit - I crave the opportunity to work and help others. It's a large part of the reason I chose to suffer the torment of nursing school - so I had a good excuse to be there for somebody.

And yet... it seems like I am never quite wanted. Or like I don't know exactly where I fit. I feel like I have so much to offer, but nobody is interested. I volunteer, I beg, and I plead - please let me help! - but the pleas fall on deaf ears, it seems. Somebody else is already doing it. I have all the help I need. There's nothing for you to do. Okay, you can help - but then we're going to take it all away from you first chance we get. On second thought, never mind. We don't need you. We don't want you.


I went in last week for my clinical evaluation, and my instructor told me something that surprised me. She says I have "great leadership potential" but that intimidate some of my classmates.


Me? Intimidating? I just don't see that in myself. Most of the time I'm scared to death, and I just forge ahead to try to get the job done without showing everyone else how afraid I really am.

Intimidating? Is it because I talk a lot? Is it because I answer questions? Is it because I jump in when I see a need? Or do I come across as a bossy, loud, obnoxious know-it-all? (That is certainly not my intention.)

I'm trying to examine myself, to see if that's really true, and if it is - why? Is it something I can change? Is it something I should change?

And perhaps more importantly, is it the reason no one wants me?

(Note: These are not rhetorical questions. I've got my big-girl panties on. Fire away at will if you see something in me that I don't see in myself.)

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Instruments for Sale!

I can't tell you how much I hate to do this, but it must be done... There's no room in the new house for the piano, and I can't play my clarinet anymore, thanks to a root canal on my front tooth.


Would you be interested in buying a 3-pedal Baldwin upright piano? It is about 20 years old. My parents bought it for me new when I was 13. It's in very good condition, although there are some external scuffs and a couple of water stains where coke cans (or something like it) were left on it for too long. The keys are all intact. One of them sticks slightly, but it's not a significant problem and could easily be fixed. It hasn't been tuned in many years, but there is no internal damage to it whatsoever. I will try to post a picture soon, but right now I can't get to it for all the boxes in the way!

Also for sale: a Yamaha wooden Bb clarinet, Model YCL72CS. This is a professional clarinet. I purchased it new in 1990. It is in excellent condition. Keys are silver plated, with very little sign of wear or tarnishing. There are no cracks in the wood, and the corks are completely intact. The pads are also in great condition; none of them stick and all are intact. It was never played outside; only indoors for concert season. I have two mouthpieces; the Yamaha one it came with and also a Vandoren 11.1 mouthpiece. Also included are Mitchell Lurie reeds, an extra ligature, and a hard-back case. It is a beautiful instrument.

I am willing to negotiate prices on both items. If you are interested, email me at mandalee65 at yahoo dot com.

These are two of my most treasured items; I would love very much for them to go to someone who will cherish them as much as I did.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Utter Disappointment

Words don't adequately express how much is sucks to work your butt off, sacrificing any personal free time you might have otherwise had, just to get an A... and come up two points short.

Yeah. My final grade for the semester was 89.79. I have been up and down for two weeks, thinking I would have an A, then thinking I'd lost it.

Nothing like setting a goal and then utterly failing. Because the GPA doesn't show how close I was...

Frickin' sucks.