Thursday, January 3, 2008

Do I Dare?

I am notorious for being a pessimist, but I can't help it. I'm always so afraid to get hopeful and excited about something, for fear it will slip through my fingers and I'll have terrible disappointment.

Because of my instinctual pessimism, I'm confuzzled about this weird sense of hope I have. Actually, I'm just plain scared of it. You see, my heart seems to think that maybe my life is finally beginning to turn around - that maybe, just maybe, my relationships and finances and dreams will start to fall into place. Maybe somewhere there is a chance for my life to be what I've always wanted it to be.

It scares me! What if I get hopeful that this photography thing is going to take off and it bombs? What if the drastic improvements in my marriage are only temporary? What if I'm headed for complete financial ruin? My pessimistic side is kicking into high gear, conjuring every worst-case scenario imaginable.

I don't know why I do this. So I'm confessing it here - I know the Bible tells us not to worry about tomorrow, but my control-freak hands are having trouble letting go. I sense a turning point, and I don't want to ruin it.

So I'm asking you to say a prayer for me. Petition the Lord to help me let go, to help me trust in His providence, and to hope instead of worry. And maybe while you're at it, would you ask Him to let a dream or two be realized for me?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Prayer granted! I know how it feels. You won't be able to trust it just yet, but soon, very very soon, you'll know that God has good things planned for you, that he adores you, and that He can be trusted. Fall into it, do the Nestea Plunge! :o)