You should know that my maternal instinct stays in overdrive. I adore my son - he makes my world go 'round. But dangit, I want more! My love for him is so strong that I want to share it with other children.
I guess it's part of who I am. I think about Nanny, who wanted a big family and never had one. Maybe I got it from her. Or maybe it's just that biological clock that God made a standard feature on the female human. All the talk over the years about having a career, and the best job I can think of is just being a mama.
Honestly, I'd love to fill my house with kids. It wouldn't embarrass me in the least to have to buy a mini-bus to cart my kids around. I'd like at least one more, but I'd take several more. And I still want to adopt, though I may be cooling my jets a little about the international adoption. Maybe I'll get just one from out of the country and adopt the rest from in-state.
Jeff says I watch too much Discovery Health, but I can't resist Birth Day and Adoption Stories and House of Babies. I just love that stuff! It makes me laugh and cry at the same time.
Braeden has recently taken to flipping through his scrapbooks several times a day. I hadn't looked at them in a while, but the pages about his birth bring back so many wonderful memories. I'll never forget the first time I laid eyes on the skinny little troll. (Jeff's words, not mine!) He was perfect, even if he didn't have enough of a rear end to hold up his diaper. I loved him far beyond what I could ever articulate, and I knew the moment I held him that my job was to be a Mother. That was my calling. I knew I wanted more, and my heart began to ache for all those children who would never know the love for their child that I have for Bebo. It's not that I think I'm supermom. I just think every child deserves to be adored.
I'm taking applications for the position, if anyone's interested! :)
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Nothing much
Just a pic. Braeden had someone new to play with this weekend. For some reason I just really like this picture.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Decorating Blues
I have a sense of style. It's true; I didn't make that up. Unfortunately, I am somewhat limited on time and resources. But it doesn't hurt to dream a little, does it? For fun (and to see how much I change my mind later), here's what I'd like my rooms to be:
Braeden's Room
He likes trains and cars, so a transportation-themed room would be cool. Paint the walls charcoal gray. Add yellow stripes down the middle like a road. Decorate with road sign replicas. Make wall art with hubcaps. Sound like fun?
Bathroom
Khaki colored tile walls with aqua glass tiles randomly dropped in for color. Copper fixtures. Aqua towels. White pedestal sink. Shelving recessed into the walls. Dressing area with plenty of drawers for makeup and toiletries.
Master bedroom
Red, tan and black asian-themed room. Black four-poster bed. Red silk bedding. Linen-textured wallpaper painted tan and rubbed lightly with dark brown to pick up the texturing. Asian prints on the wall. White Asian-style screen.
Kitchen
Black granite countertops. Cherry cabinets. Island. Grape tile backsplash. Hardwood floor.
I can dream, can't I?
Braeden's Room
He likes trains and cars, so a transportation-themed room would be cool. Paint the walls charcoal gray. Add yellow stripes down the middle like a road. Decorate with road sign replicas. Make wall art with hubcaps. Sound like fun?
Bathroom
Khaki colored tile walls with aqua glass tiles randomly dropped in for color. Copper fixtures. Aqua towels. White pedestal sink. Shelving recessed into the walls. Dressing area with plenty of drawers for makeup and toiletries.
Master bedroom
Red, tan and black asian-themed room. Black four-poster bed. Red silk bedding. Linen-textured wallpaper painted tan and rubbed lightly with dark brown to pick up the texturing. Asian prints on the wall. White Asian-style screen.
Kitchen
Black granite countertops. Cherry cabinets. Island. Grape tile backsplash. Hardwood floor.
I can dream, can't I?
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
A Wee Bit of Gloating
Tonight hubby was playing his guitar in the bedroom. Bebo ran into his room and yelled, "What are you doing, old man?"
I laughed till I cried.
Twenty minutes later, I was showing Bebo how to stamp hearts on his Valentine cards. When I lifted up the stamp to show him the image, he said, "Wow. You're smart, Mommy!"
Tee hee. Daddy's old and I'm smart. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyaaaaaaah nyah!
I laughed till I cried.
Twenty minutes later, I was showing Bebo how to stamp hearts on his Valentine cards. When I lifted up the stamp to show him the image, he said, "Wow. You're smart, Mommy!"
Tee hee. Daddy's old and I'm smart. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyaaaaaaah nyah!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Last night we went to Cracker Barrel with a group from church. Immediately Braeden tells me he has to go potty. I should take this opportunity to add that he'd eaten half a bag of marshmallows before church, courtesy of Peepop, so he was bouncing off the walls and talking a mile a minute. While I washed his hands, an older lady came into the restroom. She went into a stall and proceeded to let out the longest string of flatulence I've ever heard. Bebo's eyes got huge, and with complete seriousness, said, "Wow. That was a big one!"
What am I going to do with this child?!
What am I going to do with this child?!
Saturday, February 10, 2007
More Pictures
This photography thing is going to drive me crazy! I am having trouble getting the lighting right. In spite of myself, I managed to get some rather comical pictures of Braeden. I really need a new subject - preferably one that isn't a study in perpetual motion! LOL I should add that the color and focus are better in real life - the blog doesn't quite do them justice.
This was taken by my house:
This was at a park just up the road:
This wasn't as good, but his expression was so
funny I had to post it anyway:
And my favorite:
February 1
The strange thing about February 1 was not that that my daffodils had been in bloom for a full two weeks. No, what made it strange was the snow that coated the ground when I woke that morning. I proceeded to tromp outside at 6am to take pictures before it melted away. Here's a couple that I especially like:
I wish it was a little sharper - you can actually
see the ice drops on the leaves if you look at
the real photo.
Granted, it's not an exciting pic, but I wanted
to get as much of the view as possible.
I wish it was a little sharper - you can actually
see the ice drops on the leaves if you look at
the real photo.
Granted, it's not an exciting pic, but I wanted
to get as much of the view as possible.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Good Things
Today is a happy day! Why?
We have snow!!!!! It's been eight years since I've seen snow, but we have it now! I am so happy! I have missed Indiana's snows so badly since I moved down here. The white stuff just makes me giddy. I love it!
Secondly, it was announced today that the last installment in the Harry Potter series will be released July 21. I'm already planning a celebration that day - movie (Harry Potter, of course), dinner, and book with a friend. I am excited beyond reason.
Finally, tonight's Smallville episode promises to be wonderfully exciting - Clark is going to fly Lois around Metropolis, and I cannot wait!
. . . Please excuse the overuse of exclamation points. I am feeling a little silly today.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have snow!!!!! It's been eight years since I've seen snow, but we have it now! I am so happy! I have missed Indiana's snows so badly since I moved down here. The white stuff just makes me giddy. I love it!
Secondly, it was announced today that the last installment in the Harry Potter series will be released July 21. I'm already planning a celebration that day - movie (Harry Potter, of course), dinner, and book with a friend. I am excited beyond reason.
Finally, tonight's Smallville episode promises to be wonderfully exciting - Clark is going to fly Lois around Metropolis, and I cannot wait!
. . . Please excuse the overuse of exclamation points. I am feeling a little silly today.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Picture Woes
I can't express how annoying it is to sit on a roll of film for two weeks, expecting to have spectacular picture, only for them to turn out blah or just plain bad. I'd taken pictures of my jonquils (which bloomed January 13), planning to scrap my fave flower. But the color was horrific. For some reason, I can't take a decent picture of flowers - my color winds up looking like an ugly neon sign.
I did get a few decent shots, though. They may not be worthy of sharing, but here's a couple anyway:
Bebo playing with his trains on the footboard of my bed:
Random cute shot (altered in Photoshop):
I did get a few decent shots, though. They may not be worthy of sharing, but here's a couple anyway:
Bebo playing with his trains on the footboard of my bed:
Random cute shot (altered in Photoshop):
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Games
I know it's not right, but sometimes I feel like God is playing a game of financial cat-and-mouse with me. Just when I think we're finally going to get ahead, it all collapses around me in a big ugly pile. We get some money stuck back, and then a great big birds poops on everything and suddenly we find ourselves in the hole.
Damn, that's frustrating!
Damn, that's frustrating!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
A Girl and Her Toys
Who says guys are the only ones who play with expensive toys? I have found the camera of my dreams - a Nikon D80 - digital, 10.2 megapixels, and more bells and whistles than I can count. And it's only $1200!
Here's where it gets tough... we'll have a good tax return this year. I could use it and buy the camera and a few accessories, or I could do the responsible thing and pay bills. I want this camera! I'm getting better all the time, but I know that if I had a digital, I could practice to my heart's content and eventually would recoup the cost of the camera in the film I wouldn't be purchasing and developing. I have this little dream stuck in the recesses of my brain of someday owning my own studio. I love looking at the world through a camera lens, and while I don't expect to be the next Ansel Adams or Anne Geddes, I still believe I have potential to be pretty good - but I have to have the right tools first.
So here's to saving money for a Nikon and hoping the income tax return will be enough to buy it and pay a few bills!
Here's where it gets tough... we'll have a good tax return this year. I could use it and buy the camera and a few accessories, or I could do the responsible thing and pay bills. I want this camera! I'm getting better all the time, but I know that if I had a digital, I could practice to my heart's content and eventually would recoup the cost of the camera in the film I wouldn't be purchasing and developing. I have this little dream stuck in the recesses of my brain of someday owning my own studio. I love looking at the world through a camera lens, and while I don't expect to be the next Ansel Adams or Anne Geddes, I still believe I have potential to be pretty good - but I have to have the right tools first.
So here's to saving money for a Nikon and hoping the income tax return will be enough to buy it and pay a few bills!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Trading Spaces
No, not the show. It is my deepest and most sincere wish to be OUT OF THIS HOUSE by this summer. We've lived in the church's parsonage for a long time - two years after Jeff stepped down from youth ministry - and it is well beyond time to leave. Besides the fact that it isn't my house, I am tired of feeling obligated to someone else. So we are saving up money and trying to decide when to start the official search for rental property, which could, I should add, be a lengthy search. People just don't rent in this area. Apartments are nonexistent. The nearest place with apartments is 30 miles away, and Jeff doesn't want to commute. There's no telling what we are going to find - if we find anything at all.
At the moment I am far more concerned with the daunting task of sifting through eight years of accumulated junk. This includes all my ephermera from high school and college. We have an entire bathroom that has been dedicated to Christmas decorations and excess boxes. There are boxes in the hallway. There are boxes in the garage out back. We have an obscene amount of junk, and my packrat tendencies are going to make it hard to minimize the pile.
I have at least started, however. Last night I went through Bebo's room. That child has literally hundreds of matchbox cars - most of which were given to him by someone besides us. So I gave about 2/3s of them to our toy benevolence program at church. I also sent bouncy balls, ride-em toys, wheelbarrows, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. - and it still doesn't look like I made much of a dent. Of course, that's partly because his room is tiny (no more than 8x11) with no closet space whatsoever.
So I've dug through one room. I still have two more bedrooms, an office, and a bathroom/storage room to sift. Those are going to be the really challenging rooms.
Good grief.
At the moment I am far more concerned with the daunting task of sifting through eight years of accumulated junk. This includes all my ephermera from high school and college. We have an entire bathroom that has been dedicated to Christmas decorations and excess boxes. There are boxes in the hallway. There are boxes in the garage out back. We have an obscene amount of junk, and my packrat tendencies are going to make it hard to minimize the pile.
I have at least started, however. Last night I went through Bebo's room. That child has literally hundreds of matchbox cars - most of which were given to him by someone besides us. So I gave about 2/3s of them to our toy benevolence program at church. I also sent bouncy balls, ride-em toys, wheelbarrows, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. - and it still doesn't look like I made much of a dent. Of course, that's partly because his room is tiny (no more than 8x11) with no closet space whatsoever.
So I've dug through one room. I still have two more bedrooms, an office, and a bathroom/storage room to sift. Those are going to be the really challenging rooms.
Good grief.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
A Different Approach
Yesterday I scrapped a page about Bebo's hair - it was more of a rant than anything. When we displayed the new coif, everybody seemed to feel the need to lecture us on how it looked soooooooo much better short, and how little boys needed to have little boy haircuts, and blah blah blah blah blah.
Hello! It's my kid, and I'll do what I want with his hair! And no, he does not look like a girl - that's ridiculous. We'd decided before he was even born that we weren't going to restrict him to our idea of fashion. As long as he's clean and modest, and we don't really care what he wears. We firmly believe kids will tell you a lot about themselves through their clothing and hair, and the last thing we want to do is stifle that expression and wind up missing something important.
But that's not the real point here. When I presented the page to Jeff, he was surprised.
"I thought scrapbooking was about happy stuff," he informed me, with a puzzled look.
After explaining that scrapping was about life - way more than birthday parties and Halloween costumes - I realized that I'd been remiss in telling the whole story. If he thought that the happy stuff was all I scrapped, then I was seriously off-base in my approach. It's not that I want to scrap a picture of gloom and doom, because that isn't life, either. Instead, I want to tell the little stories as well. When someone picks up my scrapbooks fifty years from now, they should have a complete picture of our lives - the ups and downs, the laughter and the tears, the special and the mundane.
That's what scrapping's really all about, anyway.
Life.
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the layout in question (please ignore the crappy scan - it's hard to get a 12x12 layout to look right on a 8.5x11 scanner):
Hello! It's my kid, and I'll do what I want with his hair! And no, he does not look like a girl - that's ridiculous. We'd decided before he was even born that we weren't going to restrict him to our idea of fashion. As long as he's clean and modest, and we don't really care what he wears. We firmly believe kids will tell you a lot about themselves through their clothing and hair, and the last thing we want to do is stifle that expression and wind up missing something important.
But that's not the real point here. When I presented the page to Jeff, he was surprised.
"I thought scrapbooking was about happy stuff," he informed me, with a puzzled look.
After explaining that scrapping was about life - way more than birthday parties and Halloween costumes - I realized that I'd been remiss in telling the whole story. If he thought that the happy stuff was all I scrapped, then I was seriously off-base in my approach. It's not that I want to scrap a picture of gloom and doom, because that isn't life, either. Instead, I want to tell the little stories as well. When someone picks up my scrapbooks fifty years from now, they should have a complete picture of our lives - the ups and downs, the laughter and the tears, the special and the mundane.
That's what scrapping's really all about, anyway.
Life.
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the layout in question (please ignore the crappy scan - it's hard to get a 12x12 layout to look right on a 8.5x11 scanner):
Monday, January 15, 2007
A Photogenic Kid
So I got out with the camera over the weekend. I got some great shots, but I am thoroughly frustrated with my choice of film developers. Something is apparently wrong with the machine, because I'm getting streaks on all my photos, and I know it's not my camera. Grr... furthermore, they scan the pictures at such a low resolution that they don't enlarge very well. More grrrr....
But I still managed to get a few really cute shots. And for those of you who haven't seen my little man in a long time (if ever), allow me to treat you to a really photogenic little boy. Oh, yeah - and we have some before-and-after haircut action going on. And for anyone who would say "oh, his hair looks so much neater," - just know that Mama had an awful time doing it - she loved those long locks!
But I still managed to get a few really cute shots. And for those of you who haven't seen my little man in a long time (if ever), allow me to treat you to a really photogenic little boy. Oh, yeah - and we have some before-and-after haircut action going on. And for anyone who would say "oh, his hair looks so much neater," - just know that Mama had an awful time doing it - she loved those long locks!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Frustrated and Inadequate
Grrrrrr......
I had been looking forward to Friday night all week. After going through pictures, I had plenty of pages to scrapbook and I was really psyched about it. I had all these ideas of how I wanted the pages to come together. So I sat down last night with my toys, and. . .
Nothing.
Nothing worked. Nothing looked good. Nothing matched. Nothing was even remotely acceptable.
I hate it when that happens! I hate to be in the mood to create and then totally unable to do it.
*sigh*
I am one of these people who is okay at a lot of things but not really great at anything. I want to excel in this. I'd give anything to get a page published in one of the magazines. As much as I enjoy being up to my eyeballs in glue, paper, and chipboard, sometimes it just plain gets the best of me. I guess I need to just chill and remember that I'm doing this for myself and for my family. It's just that the highly competitive side of me rears its ugly head at inopportune times and leaves me feeling thoroughly inadequate.
It's a nice cloudy day, so I think I'll take Bebo out and play with my camera some more. Maybe that wil help.
I had been looking forward to Friday night all week. After going through pictures, I had plenty of pages to scrapbook and I was really psyched about it. I had all these ideas of how I wanted the pages to come together. So I sat down last night with my toys, and. . .
Nothing.
Nothing worked. Nothing looked good. Nothing matched. Nothing was even remotely acceptable.
I hate it when that happens! I hate to be in the mood to create and then totally unable to do it.
*sigh*
I am one of these people who is okay at a lot of things but not really great at anything. I want to excel in this. I'd give anything to get a page published in one of the magazines. As much as I enjoy being up to my eyeballs in glue, paper, and chipboard, sometimes it just plain gets the best of me. I guess I need to just chill and remember that I'm doing this for myself and for my family. It's just that the highly competitive side of me rears its ugly head at inopportune times and leaves me feeling thoroughly inadequate.
It's a nice cloudy day, so I think I'll take Bebo out and play with my camera some more. Maybe that wil help.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
The Sixth Sense
A sense of accomplishment, that is. It's only Tuesday, but so far this week I've scrapbooked 2 layouts, created a dozen cards, cooked meals for at least 3 days, put up the tree and its ornaments, and cleaned the front half of my living room. I still have to put away the rest of the decorations and clean the other half of the living room (if you have seen my house, you would understand why it gets cleaned in two segments). But I've got a lot done, and it feels good.
I've really got the scrappin' bug bad. I'm hoping to be able to take some pics tomorrow, if the weather stays cloudy. It's time to run another roll of film. I will look like a total goof, but I'd like to take some pictures around town. I don't know how much longer I'll be here, and even though this isn't exactly my favorite place in the world, there are still memories tied to it that I can't (won't) just sweep under the rug. Actually, I have lots of projects. I need to take a picture of myself for a resolutions page. (That's a scary thought - there's a reason why I'm always behind the camera instead of in front of it.) I've got an album to make for a friend who finally decided to have a baby. And I've got a couple of pages left to finish out this year's pages for my Christmas album.
Moving on to other topics...
I have done well well with the weight loss this week. I've tried a few new recipes, and made a few old ones. I've managed not to splurge on junk food (though donuts and tacos have been calling my name). And I've done a much better job of getting down my water.
If I wasn't motivated to lose weight before, I am now. China has just said they will no longer allow obese parents to adopt. Now that is a motivating factor.
I've really got the scrappin' bug bad. I'm hoping to be able to take some pics tomorrow, if the weather stays cloudy. It's time to run another roll of film. I will look like a total goof, but I'd like to take some pictures around town. I don't know how much longer I'll be here, and even though this isn't exactly my favorite place in the world, there are still memories tied to it that I can't (won't) just sweep under the rug. Actually, I have lots of projects. I need to take a picture of myself for a resolutions page. (That's a scary thought - there's a reason why I'm always behind the camera instead of in front of it.) I've got an album to make for a friend who finally decided to have a baby. And I've got a couple of pages left to finish out this year's pages for my Christmas album.
Moving on to other topics...
I have done well well with the weight loss this week. I've tried a few new recipes, and made a few old ones. I've managed not to splurge on junk food (though donuts and tacos have been calling my name). And I've done a much better job of getting down my water.
If I wasn't motivated to lose weight before, I am now. China has just said they will no longer allow obese parents to adopt. Now that is a motivating factor.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Friday, January 5, 2007
The Red Thread
As part of my New Year's resolution, I'm reading The Lost Daughters of China by Karin Evans. I've wanted to read it anyway, since I'm really hoping to adopt someday. It turns out I've spent the first half of the book sniffling and pushing away tears. The plight of the Chinese women and children is horrific and mind-boggling - well beyond what my cushy American life will let me comprehend.
The Chinese have a belief that there is an invisible red thread that connects lovers long before they meet. The thread connects them and eventually draws them together in a perfect, meant-to-be relationship. Many of the parents adopting from China are taking on this idea. It's such a poignant thought - that somewhere, someday, there is a little girl who is meant just for me. I believe that if it's what God really wants for me, He will choose the perfect child for our family. In the meantime, I'll wait and pray, and wonder where that red thread will lead.
The Chinese have a belief that there is an invisible red thread that connects lovers long before they meet. The thread connects them and eventually draws them together in a perfect, meant-to-be relationship. Many of the parents adopting from China are taking on this idea. It's such a poignant thought - that somewhere, someday, there is a little girl who is meant just for me. I believe that if it's what God really wants for me, He will choose the perfect child for our family. In the meantime, I'll wait and pray, and wonder where that red thread will lead.
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Aw, Shucks
A couple of days ago, Bebo came to me while I was working in the kitchen. He tapped me on the arm, and in that sweet voice that only comes from him, he said, "Know what, Mommy? You're my best friend."
My goodness, that little boy knows how to turn my heart into sweet melted goo!
My goodness, that little boy knows how to turn my heart into sweet melted goo!
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
It Begins...
D-Day... Diet Day, that is. I have managed to survive eating grapes, oatmeal, whole wheat spaghetti and organic spaghetti sauce. Last night I anticipated the sweet tooth and made pumpkin pudding pops (actually quite good). The real test will come this evening, while socializing after church with friends. Can I resist the buttery sourdough grilled cheese sandwich crust that I know DS will leave behind?
Core (a Weight Watchers plan) actually isn't that bad. It's going to feel good to detox my system and eat healthier, less-processed foods. Snacking is the hardest thing - when you can't eat processed foods, it's difficult to find something to appropriately soothe sweet or salty cravings. (Though I admit I've found an affinity for roasted chickpeas.) Since I like to pretend I'm Rachael Ray, it's not a big deal for me to surf the net for endless hours searching for new recipes. Besides, I got lots of new kitchen tools for Christmas that are begging to be test driven.
One big advantage to Core is that it challenges me to think outside my usual culinary parameters. I'm a meat-and-potatoes, cream-soup-casserole kind of gal. Cream soups are off-limits, rendering my cookbook full of cream of chicken soup casseroles slightly obsolete. From my previous stint with Core, I learned that I actually like foods I'd never have tried before. Granted, I am somewhat limited by my small-town grocery selections (whole-wheat Israeli couscous, anyone?), but I've been able to try and enjoy more exotic foods than I'd have ever considered.
But no food for now. It's naptime!
Core (a Weight Watchers plan) actually isn't that bad. It's going to feel good to detox my system and eat healthier, less-processed foods. Snacking is the hardest thing - when you can't eat processed foods, it's difficult to find something to appropriately soothe sweet or salty cravings. (Though I admit I've found an affinity for roasted chickpeas.) Since I like to pretend I'm Rachael Ray, it's not a big deal for me to surf the net for endless hours searching for new recipes. Besides, I got lots of new kitchen tools for Christmas that are begging to be test driven.
One big advantage to Core is that it challenges me to think outside my usual culinary parameters. I'm a meat-and-potatoes, cream-soup-casserole kind of gal. Cream soups are off-limits, rendering my cookbook full of cream of chicken soup casseroles slightly obsolete. From my previous stint with Core, I learned that I actually like foods I'd never have tried before. Granted, I am somewhat limited by my small-town grocery selections (whole-wheat Israeli couscous, anyone?), but I've been able to try and enjoy more exotic foods than I'd have ever considered.
But no food for now. It's naptime!
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